Dysfunctional Family Systems
As is shown in this figure on the left (BRB, pp. 58), dysfunctional family systems can vary and can include some or even all of these features. For example, it is possible to have grown up in a militaristic family where perfectionism, alcoholism, and mental illness were all problems. Regardless of the type or types, dysfunctional family systems share two key experiences: shame and abandonment.
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The experience of shame and abandonment in childhood is the tie that binds Adult Children together in shared pain and shared understanding. Our circumstances might be different, but our stories share these similar themes. In ACA, these shared experiences can bring clarity, relief, understanding, and acceptance. Beyond the rooms of recovery, these shared experiences can also bring pain. Many of us are intuitively drawn to other Adult Children because we are attracted to the familiarity of our shared childhood pain. Without recovery, we can recreate the trauma we experienced in relationships with other Adult Children, making it difficult to escape the dysfunctional family dynamics we grew up with.
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Below, we describe these family types in more detail.
Five Types of Dysfunctional Family Systems
According to the ACA World Service Organization, the five family types that can produce Adult Children, even though alcoholism is not always present are:
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Homes with mental illness in the parent(s).
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Homes with hypochondriac parent(s).
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Homes with ritualistic beliefs, harsh punishment, and extreme secretiveness, often with ultra-religious, militaristic, or sadistic overtones. Some of these homes expose children to battery and other forms of criminal abuse.
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Sexual abuse, overtly such as incest, or covertly such as an over-sexualized environment that includes inappropriate touch or dress by the parent/parents
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Perfectionistic, shaming homes in which expectations are often too high and praise is typically tied to an accomplishment rather than given freely.
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The ACA WSO also includes foster homes or families that experienced divorce. Children raised in these environments often strongly identify with the ACA traits and feelings of shame, confusion, and abandonment. Note that there are many other family types or combinations of types that can produce ACAs. Tony A., the founder of ACA and author of "The Laundry List" also published 20 traits of "sick families." You can find these traits here.
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